Indra Kwai

Someone was sick in my bedroom.......

I do still worry so about Duncan. I love him which makes me think that is whyhe left. Maybe I was being to clingy, or he realised that I'm stupid and found another. That would be wise of him.
Still, I need to think on whether or not to take the drugs I bought from the pretty boy. To take, or not to take.

He Loves me.
He Loves me Not.
He Loves me.
He Loves me Not.
He Loves me.
He Loves me Not.

I Love him.
Does it matter if he loves me?
Does it matter to him if I love him?
Why does love have so many questions wrapped up with it?

I love Amy.
Thats simple. Although it doesn't have the squishy fun parts.
I like the squishy Fun parts.
I like Duncan. I love Duncan.
I'm pretty certain Duncan likes me. If he doesn't like me. Maybe he'll stay if I'm happy being just friends with 'other stuff'.

He Loves me Not.
He Loves me.
He Loves me Not.
He Loves me.
He Loves me Not.
He Loves me.

Ok so I'm at a loss to how I feel so It's time to make mental columns

Pro	Con
Nice Scenery	Weird Crazy dark
Duncan=Loves me	Duncan=Wants to leave me
Elisa= Dedicated wants to be friends and work hard	Elisa= Vampire, nearly killed me
Amy= Teaching me to read	Amy= Know I'm an idiot
Nice people	Got Mugged
Away from Family	Away from Family
Don't know where to get drugs so no temptation to go back how I was	I still wish I could go back
Buisness should be profitable	If I don't ruin it
Big nice house	Makes me feel a little lonely

Ok so that didn't help. I guess that means Duncans the big BIG pro. I'll stay. Tomorrow is another day

I'm still not confident enough to just write this journal but I think I might be getting there.
It's kind of exciting.
Exciting.
Odd how that word makes me think so much of Duncan.
Duncan, so stunning. So, dangerous. He scares and excites and makes me tingle.

Wonder if Elisa is ok at the club.

I think I'm lonely.
I know I've, well I think I have Duncan.
And I'm certain Amy is my friend, and Max. But, well is that enough? Or should I have tried harder with my family?

Dictated.
I love this town. I've made two very interesting friends. Theres a job opportunity on the horizon.
I have hope and a future. And the weathers been nice, and I think I love it here.
Or, is it Duncan and Max that make this place really great??

Dictation-
So, I'm in Mysteria. It's kind of odd. I've only been here, well a short while, and things are looking hopeful.
There's Max. She's going to give me a tour. She's so cute, she makes me tingle all over like it's christmas. I'm pretty sure she'll be playing a starring role in my dreams.
Then there's Duncan. Who's exciting, and clearly interested in sex me. Which is nice. But it scares me. I think I know how girl and guy sex goes, but what do men do together?